eHarmony, eSchmarmony: The Conclusion

After trying researching eHarmony for several months and receiving an inordinate number of matches that filled my mind with images of Ernest T. Bass, I decided I was done.

My first clue that eHarmony was willing to play rough with the computer mouse came when I had a customer service question. One employee responded to my question, and then went on to add, "Margaret, I'd also like to take this opportunity to make a recommendation that I feel would improve your eHarmony experience. I see that you don't have a great photo posted. Please remember you are allowed to use the space provided to post up to 12 photos, allowing your matches to see the various aspects of your personality and interests."

My photo wasn't great? Does this clown know how long it took to come up with that photo, which I actually thought was pretty good? After all, most middle-aged single women don't have hundreds of pictures of themselves from which to choose.

I considered typing, “Thanks for your concern, but that’s what I look like.” Instead I thanked him for looking into my question and ignored the insult.

The next day, a second customer service rep emailed me with further information and then went on to add, "Margaret with your active account, I would like to take the time and encourage you to post more photos since it is part of a successful eHarmony experience. Posting as many photos as possible shows that you are fully engaged in the eHarmony process and opens up conversation by allowing your matches to see your personality."

What is with these people? This time, I was pretty irritated. Post more pictures? Are they kidding me? Good grief, it took forever to come up with one picture. And what was with the same suggestions coming from both customer service reps? Gee, there seemed to be a pattern...

I’m not a trained professional, but I'm starting to think this obsession with my picture is a form of emotional abuse. Blame the unphotogenic soul who can't get a dozen decent pictures. I ignored the advice, and yet I still continued to receive plenty of requests to communicate...of course mostly from the gun lobby I told you about in my second post on this topic.

As I told you in my last post, I did eventually communicate with one match, and when that match was closed, decided to take my profile down. That was when eHarmony started playing hardball. As you close your account, you are taken through a progression of screens, each asking you if you’re sure and giving you a list of reasons why you are making the BIGGEST MISTAKE OF YOUR LIFE!!! They tell you that it takes time...it often takes people a year or more to find the right match. Of course it does. eHarmony couldn't stay in business if people found the right match in the first week.

But my favorite ploy to try to keep me hooked was this one:

I couldn’t help but laugh at the irony of that statement...only 1 in 4 American marriages is actually happy? Really? That doesn't exactly make marriage seem that appealing, does it?

And with that, I clicked one final time, and closed my account for good.

Don't get me wrong. I know that some people really do meet the "love of their life" online. Still others have met "good enough for now" online. But it's not for everyone. For me, a sense of humor is huge, and that's almost impossible to get across in an online profile because it can come off as either snarky or stupid. Spirituality is easier to fake online than in person, as is character. No, my brief experience with eHarmony did nothing to sell me on the idea of online dating.

Besides, if God does have a husband for me - and I have long since come to accept that may not be in God's plan for my life - God knows where to find me. He also knows how to speak to me in a way that will lead me to recognize His voice. That's way better than anything eHarmony can promise.

What’s more, God is never going to say, “Hey, Margaret, I noticed your picture’s not great.”

“Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.” ~ Psalm 20:7