March 15, 2010

eHarmony, eSchmarmony: Pt. 1

Despite the fact that I am the Scrooge of online dating sites, I gave eHarmony a month more than NBC gave Conan. Unlike Conan, I didn’t come out of the deal with a multi-million dollar settlement. I did, however, come out of it with a handful of posts for my blog, so all was not lost.

For years, well-meaning friends and family have asked me the question no one should ever ask a single, “Why don’t you try eHarmony?”

Believe me, single people are aware that eHarmony exists, although if I hadn’t gone to high school with a girl who really did marry a guy she met on eHarmony, I’d be convinced that all the hype is just an urban myth. I still think it’s mostly a myth.

I actually attended a conference led by Neil Clark Warren shortly before he launched the eHarmony site. I have an autographed book to prove it. I even read the book. And shortly after eHarmony began, I considered trying it. I never made it to the personality profile though, because I couldn’t get past the user name.

So shortly after I began this blog and wrote about my user name conundrum, I decided to go back and give eHarmony a try for a couple of reasons. The first was purely blog research, as I thought I might get a post or two out of it. (That's my story and I'm sticking to it!) Second, I had given enough dirty looks to the people who asked me if I had ever tried eHarmony to feel compelled to prove I could be open-minded enough to take a stab at it. (Althought now that I've taken the stab, my new answer will be, "Stick a fork in me, I'm done.")

As I told you in one of my first posts at Single and Sane, the user name had apparently long since been eliminated so I was able to progress directly to the personality profile questions. The very extensive profile questions, at that. Once I had finished the profile section, I wished I had timed it. Some say it takes about 20 minutes, while others say it takes a couple of hours to complete. I can tell you it’s definitely longer than 20 minutes.

There’s some controversy about the personality profile, because evidently you can flunk it. I had always assumed that it was like a lot of personality profiles, and that it would throw out the results if you gave contradictory answers to the essentially the same questions with different wording. However many who have been rejected after taking the inordinate amount of time required to complete it, think it’s a religious issue. They contend that if you choose anything other than Christianity as your religion, eHarmony will reject you.*

Either way, I kind of think those who are rejected by eHarmony get the better deal. I’ll tell you more in my next couple of posts.

*Note added April 1, 2010:  There is an unofficial eHarmony blog with some answers to the rejection question - no mention of religion. Check it out here.


  1. Very interesting. One of the blogs I follow is a girl who actually met her husband on E-Harmony. I am hearing more and more about people that are doing that. One of Debbie Thompson's friends met her fiance on eharmony. Weird, but cool for them!


  2. Tried it for over a year, and I have a hunch you and I may have similar stories. I await your next part which will confirm this. ;^)

  3. Please don't perpetrate the myth that eHarmony screens-out non-Christians. It's just baloney.

  4. hmmm... not sure what 'perpetrating' a myth would mean. Charades perhaps?

    I meant to say 'don't perpetuate.' ;-)

  5. I have no idea why eHarmony rejects some people and I stated that. Regardless of the reason, I stand by my position that they may get the better deal.

  6. Love the title of your blog! Hang in there. I'm right there with you struggling to be Christian and single. I haven't had "much faith" in online dating either. Keep us "posted" ;) Peace

  7. I searched dating sites, did research, and finally picked a Video-dating site called reelspark, it lets you have real interaction with a human being that you can see and hear instead of images anyone can post up. What you see is what you get...and it's true the camera brings out the personality of people. I found a "potential" match, and after several video messages, we both felt comfortable speaking to each other "in person". I did deal with the usual people saturating me with messages, but from what I understand I didnt get the usual scam shit from other sites, so they do monitor users to make sure they are not scamming anyone. Eharmony is not bad, but the customer service and overall ethics they operate by are horrid.

  8. I can see where videos would give you a better idea about someone.

    I'll talk about eHarmony's customer service in part 4. That's a trip in itself. ;-)

  9. Some clarification on the rejections some people receive from eHarmony -- here is a blog that has some answers...

  10. I can't wait to read your updates, I want to know what happened!

  11. i think it's hilarious that you think the people
    who got rejected from the personality
    profile really got the better deal! :)

    i just noticed your helpful heading and now
    am looking forward to reading what i am
    sure will be a hilarious encounter with